Thanksgiving Weekend

So after a week of slogging to get the open memo revisions done, I was treated to a nice surprise get together for my 24th birthday. Jen got a small group together to come out to the Brick Store Pub in downtown Decatur on the night of the 22nd. I have to say it was really nice to be able to take a break from the law school workload and just hang around with people. With finals coming up and everything else, sometimes it gets a little overwhelming.

I nearly fell over trying to take this picture.



The crew at Brick Store Pub.

So after celebrating on Monday night for a short while, I went to class on Tuesday and bolted to the airport right after. Sucharita gave us a ride to the airport, which totally rocked. I really would rather not have taken Marta or parked at the airport. It turned out that Jillian and I were both flying airtran, and our gates were right next to each other. Both of our flights were delayed, so we got to hang around and chill for about a good hour before I had to board. By the time I got back, my flight was an hour late, and I was exhausted. So didn't get much work done at home on Tuesday night.

Wednesday was pretty nice. Got some work done, got to hang around with the folks for a good while. I went through my closet to find clothes that still fit, and I started to kick myself. Before leaving for Atlanta this summer, I went through my closet and threw out the clothes that were too small, figuring that I'd never wear them again. Now I'm really wishing I hadn't, because some of them were expensive and nice. While in London, my mom and sister got me this French Connection shirt that had a bit of an athletic fit. Now it's been graciously donated to charity... dammit!

Thanksgiving at home was pretty nice. We went out to the Heritage Indian restaurant where my dad's friend and colleague invited us out. He's a pretty smart man, a good conversationalist. Dude's been in this country since 1962. It was pretty interesting hearing from his perspective how this country has changed over the past 40 somewhat years. He said that back in those days, American families were generally as conservative as Indian and Pakistani families at the time. After the sexual revolutions of the 70's, 80's, and 90's, things have changed significantly. But there's a backlash occuring after all this time. No wonder conservatism has come back with a vengence. But it's hard to tell to where this new found conservative resurgence will lead.

So I've been studying on and off for most of this thanksgiving holiday. Ugh, finals are going to suck. I can't wait until they're over. But then we party for a while, then I road trip back up to NY to get my car inspected. Yay!

Tonight, I get to go to jamatkhana, usual for a Friday. I havn't been back to the Long Island Jamatkhana since leaving for Atl. I wonder what it's going to feel like coming back to this Khane after getting used to the Atlanta atmosphere. On the bright side, at least I get to see a lot of the folks I havn't seen in a long time. More later.

Trip to Jo-ja...

Even though I didn't have a second to spare this weekend, I decided to take a day trip on Saturday to the country. Saba's roomate, Jana, is this girl from a small town about 2 hours outside of Atlanta. She and her boyfriend Dave are from this small rural area and invited us out for a Civil War Reenactment and country fair. When we got there, we went to the fair and all where they were processing sugar cane. There were two sugar shacks, processing cane and making syrup. That sugar cane juice is awsome stuff. Could drink it by the gallon.

Unfortunatly, the Civil War Reenactment was cancelled. The reason? They couldn't get the two sides to agree on how it would play out. Ironic isn't it? A little too close to reality!

I have to say, the trip wiped out a few stereotypes I had about the south, but also solidified a few others (but in a good way). Most importantly, it gave me a good appreciation about how the people in the south live their lives. Growing up in the north, we always have the stereotype that the southerners are all racist bible thumping gun toting farmers who hate everyone who's not like them. I was very pleasantly surprised to see how unbelieveably nice everyone was. That small town feeling was definitly comforting. Everyone knew each other, everyone was warm to one another. It felt very familial. It wasn't exactly the most diverse place, but it wasn't unwelcoming either. Jana made a good point, every culture has its extremes. That includes the southerners. They do have their share of racists and extremists. But so do the northerners. In every culture you'll find good and bad people. Luckily, I was introduced to the good ones.

Quite the rebels.

One really pleasant thing is that these people are very religious. The overwhelming majority are Evangelical. Normally when I think of Evangelicals, I think of people like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell spreading a message of self righteousness and hate. But the feeling I got from these people was quite the opposite. They were very nice, tolerant, smart and accepting people. They gave me a decent peace of mind, because the religious fervor of the US in recent decades has been worrisome. But more than anything, it's the politicians who are trumping religion for their own gain. The actual people are peaceful and decent. I have confidence that the rank and file will reign in the extremities when it comes to the point of unacceptability. After all, this is America.

True southern Pride. No Yankees allowed here.

Something that was solidified was the gun culture. Everyone here owns guns. When Dave and Jana found out that Saba and I never shot guns before, they got that mischevious look in their eyes and sought to remedy this problem. So they took us out to some deserted dirt road where we shot targets (coke cans and water bottles). I have to say, it's a thrill shooting. I wouldn't exactly want to shoot at anything living, but shooting at targets is pretty exhilerating. I felt like the coolest person ever when I blasted a coke can from about 40 feet (I'm still a beginner). Kept the bullet ridden can as a souvenir.

Baaaad to the bone.

Earlier in the day, we went over to Hamburg State Park. It's absolutly gorgeous. This time of year the leaves are changing, so it's especially nice out there. We went canoeing on the small lake, soaked up the sun and crisp air. It was extremely peaceful and relaxing. A big difference from the torture of law school.

At Hamburg State Park

Then at night, back at David's place, his pyro brother Jamie set up a bonfire where we made smores and roasted chicken hot dogs (show's how wonderfully considerate these people are, they went out of their way to get us non-pork hot dogs). After that, in the dark, we played hide-and-seek on their big yard. It was a modified version, a cross between tag and hide-and-seek, all in the dark with flashlights. It was the most fun I've had in a long while to say the least.

So tomorrow's the day I turn the big 24. Since I've always been bad at math, it's very convenient that I was born in a year that's a multiple of 10. Otherwise I'd always forget how old I was at whatever point in time. It's also the day I get to go home. Now that's a birthday gift that's worthwile.

Darkness

While walking to the shuttle after finishing class today, the sky was completely overcast. It pretty much sums up how I'm feeling around this point. I don't know what it is, whether it's the stress of finals around the corner, just plain old gloom, who knows. All I know is that I can't wait to get home next week. Hopefully that'll clear my head a little.

It's hard to describe the feeling that's been going through me for the past week or so. It literally feels like this dark cloud has descended over my vision. For some reason, I'm taking really stupid things personally. Whenever I used to see people before, I'd always see a big mix of good and bad qualities. After all, nobody's perfect. Everyone has good and bad in them. Recently, this dark cloud lets me see nothing but the bad parts of people. Even when they don't do anything. I see people and see evil. I don't know where this misanthrope side of me is coming from. I've never been like this before. All I've been seeing in myself and everyone around me is greed and anger.

Some weird thoughts have been creeping up lately. Sometimes I picture people and things around me turning into dust. It's strange, kind of like on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, whenever a Vampire is staked, he or she turns into dust. In a matter of seconds, there's nothing left. I have no idea why I'm imagining that in some of my daydreams or whatever. I see the classroom or library around me, the books, the people, everything turning into dust and nothing being left but a big wasteland. In the end, isn't that what mankind really is? We're all living breathing thinking piles of dust. In a 100 years time, most of us will literally be dust again. In a thousand years time, we will all be dust.

I guess it's just the stress of finals and the feeling sick that's getting me down. I guess I'm in one of my usual moods. These things have a tendency to pass after a while. At least I know I won't be feeling like this next week while I'm home, and definitely won't feel like this when I'm home for xmas break. The sky was overcast earlier today, the rain was drizzling down. But up above those clouds I know it was bright and sunny. Unfortunatly the sky cleared up late in the evening, so there was darkness up above. Hopefully tomorrow will be clear.

Reflections

The library has these large floor to ceiling windows in the reading room. When it gets dark out, they turn into mirrors, reflecting me and everything around me, but with a ghostlike silhouette. It's almost like looking into another world. I can see the reflections of the rows of books in the library illuminated by the tube lights above, but I can also make out the dark outline of the plaza outside, with the outline of the trees swaying back and forth every once in a while. It's an odd thing to notice.

So when you look at your reflection, are you looking into this world or into another? It looks similar, but it's not. Things are backwards, the mirror adds effects that don't normally exist. The mirror itself is not a perfect sheet of glass. The bends and curves distort the image, make some things look different from the way they really are.

Does memory do the same thing? When I reflect on my past, everything I've been thorough, my life now as compared to my life before, is my mind's mirror distorting things? It's hard to say. I've been feeling crappy for the past few days. Feeling crappy in several ways. For one thing, my throat is sore and I think I'm coming down with something. Secondly, I'm in another rut, the stress of law school and the onslaught of the exam period is starting to take its toll. I keep asking myself whether it was worth making this change. Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no. On the whole, I think it was worthwile. Certain aspects of my life are definitely better, and at times I'm much happier. On the other hand, the things that used to upset me at home in NY still upset me now, only now I bottle it up and it bothers me even more.

The one thing that's been eating away at me is the people situation here. I had a clean slate a few months back, and I've met a slew of new people. Many new classmates and friends. But how many of them are the real deal? It's not hard to notice that most of them aren't the same types of friends who I left at home. But some are, so that's a saving grace. I also think of chances I've squandered while here. Looking back, people gave me ample opportunities to get to know them, but me being my usual closed off self, blew those opportunities completely. Now they're acquiantances who I give the passing wave or smile, the occasional chit chat during or after class. It makes me wonder whether I'll ever get to know them on a deeper level.

But do people usually have deeper levels? I always thought so. But that's not always the case. What's really bizarre is that certain people here have little to no depth. It's so strange to realize that there are people who have almost no sophistication, and don't possess the capability to have any meaningful conversation beyond the topics of sports or girls. While with other people, there are endless layers and surprises as to how deep the rabbit holes of personality really go. Sometimes I wonder in which category I fit. It's hard to tell.

Unusual Activities

It was rainy and in the 40's today. I hate the cold weather. One of the reasons I really looked forward to coming to the south is that it doesn't get cold over here until November or so. Well, it's November, and it's cold. One of the funny things about a cold Atlanta is seeing Jen suffer in this chill. She was saying earlier how this is the coldest weather she's ever experienced. I'm remembering the brutal northeast winter of last year. It's funny, Miami doesn't seem to far from here, but apparantly over there it never gets this cold.

At the library, I've noticed a sign that's been put up on the men's room door that says, "You can report unusual activities to the front desk." For the past few weeks, sometimes when I walk in there, there's some Asian dude brushing his teeth. That's definitely an unusual activity, but I don't think it's so controversial as to be worth reporting to the front desk. Who brushes their teeth at the library? I know there must be some rational explanation, but on the facts available, it so strange. (wow, I'm sounding like a lawyer).

Not to mention Yasser Arafat died this morning. Interesting, Arafat dies on Veterans day. I guess that's somewhat symbolic. The guy was an enigma to say the least. Freedom fighter / Terrorist depending on who you ask, statesman, politician, Icon. November 11th wasn't always known as Veterans day. The armistice effectively ending combat during World War I was signed on November 11, 1918. The most brutal and bloody war that Europe had ever seen ended on that day. I remember the way Professor Rose described WWI. He said Europe was like a finely carved and laquered table, a very fine piece of furniture. World War I was like someone taking a knife and scratching a huge scar across the surface. No matter how much you tried to paint it over or laquer it again, you could never fully repair it. I think the peace process is the same way. The land considered Holy to all three of the Abrahamic faiths, each having spent its golden era in possession of this land, has been scarred badly from all the violence that has happened there. Now with Arafat's passing, who's to see what can happen.

Just like the armistice and treaties that ended World War I, people and governments continually talked about the upcoming peace. The world could have gone on the intended path to outlaw war and cultivate worldwide peace, or the political opportunists could have set stage for World War II, the most brutal war the world has ever seen. We know which one they chose. After Arafat's passing, Bush and Blair and a whole slew of others are talking about "peace" in the Middle East. Talk about unusual activities. These are the two goons who pushed for the Iraq war. I have a feeling that it'll be a cold day in hell before Bush will ever achieve peace anywhere, let alone in Israel and Palestine. I'm also a little apprehensive to think about what will happen next. I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned the parallel.

Yes, Bush won. Get over it. I don't think it'll be as bad as people think. Yes, the Christian right will start pressing their agenda, but now that Bush doesn't have to pander to them, I doubt they'll get too much across.

So the past few weeks have been inexplicably busy. Starting to outline for finals, doing all the other crap law students are notorious for doing. Now I'm in the library reading a decision by Justice Scalia. Why is it that the most brilliant member of the court is also the most dicky?

My folks are coming into town this weekend. This is a very good thing. It means that I can get away from this area, and do my work somewhere else. But it also means I get to have some good food and spend time with the family. Can't complain about that.

So Yasser Arafat's about to die. And for some oddball reason the media is trying to portray this as a chance for peace? Luckily for us, organizations like Hamas that will be filling the power vacuum there are more than willing to negotiate a peace settlement. Plus the US is now blasting the crap out of Fallujah. This is so we can have a fair election not affected by 'terrorist' elements. I'm sure the Iraqi populace will be more than thankful to the Americans for blowing up their houses so they can vote in peace and tranquility.

Blogging is less fun when you're not happy. This workload sucks.

Blah

I met my mentor today. I was jealous of everyone else the first few weeks of law school, they were all given student mentors who actually bothered to get in touch with them and help them. I had no clue who my student mentor was supposed to be, and apparantly he/she/it didn't care to help me out. Oh well, there's no shortage of assholes here at lawschool. But luckily, AALSA (Asian American Law Student Association) offered professional mentors. I requested one and got one. He's this Vietnamese guy who has his own practice here in the Atlanta area. He was terriffic, very willing to help. I'm glad I wound up assigned with him.

So when I got up this morning, I wasn't entirely sure how to dress up to meet him. I originally planned on wearing my suit, but then figured it would be overkill. (Not to mention the fact that Jen made fun of me for talking about wearing a suit to meet my mentor). But alas, I settled on the gray dress pants and a blue shirt with a tie. More or less business cas. My mentor was dressed on the same level, so I didn't feel out of place at all. We went to a Vietnamese restaurant, had Pho, it was pretty damn good.

After heading directly back to the law school, a bunch of people were asking me why I was dressed up. I pretty much quipped 'Just to make other people look bad,' then told them I had a mentor meeting. Then one person at the library said I should be telling people that I'm interviewing, just to get their reactions. Today we had our career services orientation, so it really did fit right in to say something like that. So now the rat race that is law school turns into the rat race that is the search for a legal job.

Today... hell, the entire past week or so, has been insanely stressful. I needed to get away, so I went to khane tonight. There's something so peaceful about the Atlanta jamatkhana. The lighting inside is very pleasant, the incense smell very comforting, and the ambiance very sacrosanct. It gave me the relaxation and mental sanity that I really needed today. But after coming back, I tried going to the student activities center at Clarimont. It's right across the courtyard, and I usually go there just to use the gym. Today I tried going to use it as a study area... big mistake. That place is loud, crowded, and full of annoying undergrads. So much for finding new places to study, it's back to the usual spot in the library for me.

Today's one of those days where I'm just feeling very blah. I started thinking of the way I act around people, the things I say and do. I'm wondering if all those changes of 'letting my guard down' over the summer were worthwile. I'm naturally prone to internalizing everything, but I'm also not used to expressing myself. I think I was naturally cut out to be a hermit of some sort. But at the same time, I'm also naturally cut out to be someone who loves speaking to people. I think I'm either bi-polar or have multiple personalities. Who knows. I hate these days when I get moody or whatever. But whatever, it'll pass. Nice way to feel on the day of the most important election in our nation's history.