Darkness

While walking to the shuttle after finishing class today, the sky was completely overcast. It pretty much sums up how I'm feeling around this point. I don't know what it is, whether it's the stress of finals around the corner, just plain old gloom, who knows. All I know is that I can't wait to get home next week. Hopefully that'll clear my head a little.

It's hard to describe the feeling that's been going through me for the past week or so. It literally feels like this dark cloud has descended over my vision. For some reason, I'm taking really stupid things personally. Whenever I used to see people before, I'd always see a big mix of good and bad qualities. After all, nobody's perfect. Everyone has good and bad in them. Recently, this dark cloud lets me see nothing but the bad parts of people. Even when they don't do anything. I see people and see evil. I don't know where this misanthrope side of me is coming from. I've never been like this before. All I've been seeing in myself and everyone around me is greed and anger.

Some weird thoughts have been creeping up lately. Sometimes I picture people and things around me turning into dust. It's strange, kind of like on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, whenever a Vampire is staked, he or she turns into dust. In a matter of seconds, there's nothing left. I have no idea why I'm imagining that in some of my daydreams or whatever. I see the classroom or library around me, the books, the people, everything turning into dust and nothing being left but a big wasteland. In the end, isn't that what mankind really is? We're all living breathing thinking piles of dust. In a 100 years time, most of us will literally be dust again. In a thousand years time, we will all be dust.

I guess it's just the stress of finals and the feeling sick that's getting me down. I guess I'm in one of my usual moods. These things have a tendency to pass after a while. At least I know I won't be feeling like this next week while I'm home, and definitely won't feel like this when I'm home for xmas break. The sky was overcast earlier today, the rain was drizzling down. But up above those clouds I know it was bright and sunny. Unfortunatly the sky cleared up late in the evening, so there was darkness up above. Hopefully tomorrow will be clear.