Beliefs

One of the few things I remember from freshman year at NYU was a lecture by my 'Conversations of the West' professor. He was lecturing on Heraclites, an ancient Greek Philosopher whose main philosophy boiled down to 'You can never step into the same river twice.' Essentially, times change, people change. Since coming down to Atlanta, I feel like the river has sped up. Either that, or I'm running faster upstream so the river looks like it's moving faster flowing. Either way, things feel like they're changing fast over here regarding beliefs and all that fun stuff.

My cousin in Afghanistan has a blog. Her most recent post was pretty impressive regarding love. Back in the day, I used to not believe in love. To a certain extent, I still not sure if I do. I used to think it was a big joke people came up with to justify their behavior and their neediness. I remember when I first expressed this idea, people laughed at me and thought I was just playing devil's advocate. After all, in a culture plastered with Hollywood/Bollywood movies where 'Amor vincit omnia,' how could you not believe in love?

I'm turning into a Manichaean. Either that or I'm bipolar. Some days I get up and see enormous good and promises in my fellow human beings, other days I see nothing and feel pessimistic. Sometimes I see it simultaneously. People have been talking about love for centuries without actually defining what it means. Has it come to the point where 'love' is nothing but an empty word?

I remember during my junior year at NYU, I hung around a lot in Stacey and Sue's apartment. They had one of those magnetic poetry kits with the little word magnets all over the airconditioning panel cover. I put together a sentence, "I would give up my dreams for you." I think it was Stacey who quipped, 'since when did you become a romantic?'

Answer: I didn't . I'm a bit of a cynic. Always have been to a certain extent. When I put together that magnetic sentence, I kind of meant it. If was ever truly in love, I would give up my dreams for the person. After all, when in love, doesn't the other person become your new dream? Problem is finding that other person worthy of giving up your dreams for. Thus the cynic in me. I don't believe anyone would truly do that for anyone else.

A few weeks ago, I read a small excerpt from Alan Dershowitz's book Letters to a Young Lawyer. Dershowitz claims that nobody ever regrets not spending more time in the office when they're on the death bed. Everyone wishes they spent more time with their family and whatever else. But, says Dershowitz, maybe they should wish they spent more time at the office. After all, if they did spend more time with the family at professional expense, they wouldn't have been as successful, their wife would probably leave them for the guy who was more successful. Thus the irony.

Love is greed. Greed is love. Leave it to Alan Dershowitz to come up with something like this. A little blunt, a little cryptic. I'm not entirely sure I agree with Dershowitz, but I know for sure that on certain days I do agree wholeheartedly. But I'm not sure today is one of those days.

I would like to wholeheartedly believe in love, but I'm an evil male. The hunter/destroyer part of the personality comes out at times. But are we as a race supposed to leave it up to women to carry on the tradition of love? Men like to cause physical trauma and destruction. But the power of women lies in their power to create emotional mayhem, (albeit mainly mayhem in other women's minds). But nonetheless, this is a source of concern. Yet I still get chastised for not wholeheartedly believing in love.

Stanley Kubrick is one of my favorite film directors of all time. I thought Eyes Wide Shut was a brilliant movie. The entire story is a commentary on marriage. Either you're in it, or you're not. He comments on love with some what of a hopeful and also a pessimistic outlook.

Oh law school, what have you done to me.