Boredom sets in
After getting back from Al Ummah, I spent the week sitting on my ass being bitter about being home. It was so strange suddenly going from a heavily packed schedule with something to do almost every minute, to having nothing to do at all. So I spent a lot of time at the mechanic's garage getting all of our cars serviced. Then went home and felt like pulling my hair out because of the severe boredom. So yesterday, I finally came back to Brooklyn and went out with some friends. It was great seeing the crew again. It felt like I've been away for years. Sue's mystery man was in town, and he seemed really cool. He has this awsome South African accent (which is the second coolest accent, next to the Scottish one).
One of the weirdest things about being back is that I'm not really in contact with my sister anymore. We spoke for about an hour when I called her from Al Ummah, but since getting back, we didn't spend any time together. Quite honestly, I don't feel like spending time with her or talking to her much anymore. I don't want to sound dicky, but I don't get anything out of our conversations anymore. We don't have much to talk about, plus I'm sick of being judged all the time (despite her supposed good intentions). Let her do her own thing in Boston, I'm about to head to Atlanta to do my own thing.
I can't wait to get down to Atl. It was as if heading away to Al Ummah was the first page of the next chapter of my life. Now I'm back in the previous chapter, albeit temporarily, and I can't stand it. I feel like I'm not living my life for me anymore. Today, I went to my dad's new office and started cutting and pasting computer files. The thing was the most tedious job I've had to do so far since getting back, but I had to do it. I can't complain, I need to help dad. But it's another one of the reasons I want to get away and start living my own life for me.
Other than that, some of the better moments of my day have been sitting here at the computer talking to some of the kids from AU. I really wish I got to spend more time with these kids... the conversations are great, and there's so much to talk about with them. I feel like at camp, I rediscovered what it was like to really live. To actually open up to people and share your soul. AK even said towards the end how I was relaxing and letting my guard down. And it felt pretty damn good to do that. Now at home, there's nobody to share it with. That's another one of the reasons I don't feel like talking to my sister anymore... anytime I try to share anything honest, I get that damn condescending stare. Screw that.
But all bitterness aside, being home has its virtues. I've been finally having decent food, I've actually had the self discipline to work out regularly. I've also been less lazy. I've realized how badly 99.99% of tv sucks, so I'm finding other stuff to do instead of watching crap all the time. I need to get out of here.
One of the weirdest things about being back is that I'm not really in contact with my sister anymore. We spoke for about an hour when I called her from Al Ummah, but since getting back, we didn't spend any time together. Quite honestly, I don't feel like spending time with her or talking to her much anymore. I don't want to sound dicky, but I don't get anything out of our conversations anymore. We don't have much to talk about, plus I'm sick of being judged all the time (despite her supposed good intentions). Let her do her own thing in Boston, I'm about to head to Atlanta to do my own thing.
I can't wait to get down to Atl. It was as if heading away to Al Ummah was the first page of the next chapter of my life. Now I'm back in the previous chapter, albeit temporarily, and I can't stand it. I feel like I'm not living my life for me anymore. Today, I went to my dad's new office and started cutting and pasting computer files. The thing was the most tedious job I've had to do so far since getting back, but I had to do it. I can't complain, I need to help dad. But it's another one of the reasons I want to get away and start living my own life for me.
Other than that, some of the better moments of my day have been sitting here at the computer talking to some of the kids from AU. I really wish I got to spend more time with these kids... the conversations are great, and there's so much to talk about with them. I feel like at camp, I rediscovered what it was like to really live. To actually open up to people and share your soul. AK even said towards the end how I was relaxing and letting my guard down. And it felt pretty damn good to do that. Now at home, there's nobody to share it with. That's another one of the reasons I don't feel like talking to my sister anymore... anytime I try to share anything honest, I get that damn condescending stare. Screw that.
But all bitterness aside, being home has its virtues. I've been finally having decent food, I've actually had the self discipline to work out regularly. I've also been less lazy. I've realized how badly 99.99% of tv sucks, so I'm finding other stuff to do instead of watching crap all the time. I need to get out of here.
1 Comments:
I thought I was the only one with a sometimes condescending older sibling. I know where you are coming from. My older brother tells me I need to come back to reality and stop trying to suspend entering the job world. The truth is I feel overwhelmed and just need a few good weeks off from EVERYTHING. I am finally hitting downtown with a few friends this evening, and can't wait. You are not alone my friend. May ATL bring to you what you deserve - the best!
Heena V - *too lazy to register*
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Anonymous, at 7/24/2004 5:47 PM
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